"What about the leeches?" - Elaine

You're not muddy enough!!!

Clyne Farm assault course 'as seen on You've Been Framed' was the venue for the second of Midge's social events, and our esteemed brewery piss-up coordinator promptly failed at the first obstacle, namely arriving within an hour of our meeting time. Luckily our guide Toby was very patient and once the assembled motley crew was up to a somewhat scruffy-looking 9 we were off. After successfully negotiating the 'gate' and hurdling the sporadic 'piles of horse-sh!t' obstacles, we were off to try some real challenges.

Terry bravely and manfully conquered his fear of heights on the Burma rope bridge which the rest of us scuttled along happily. We all successfully stayed upright on the 'millenium' bridge, despite Toby's best efforts at jolting it around and turfing us into the mud. Predictably, the best comedy was provided by Aidan who frantically invented a host of new dance moves as the bridge wobbled beneath him. That was as good as it got though, as all efforts at staying clean fell away shambolically from there. Dave was the first to fall off the monkey bars into some shin-deep gloop, but was promptly upstaged by Elaine who, failing to be suitably embarrassed by only swinging a couple of bars before sliding off, then chose to land on her backside. James was the star of the show here with a swinging preformance to make a gibbon proud, although his monkey noises need a bit more practice.

The next encounter with the wet stuff was nowhere near close enough for Terry, as he chose to complete the pole crawl underneath the pole, thus dragging his arse through the muck. James completed the crawl even though his trousers didn't and Midge's 'technique' involved using her boobs in much the same way a trapeze artist uses the balancing pole. The 'one-either-side-look-no-hands' method served her rather splendidly as everyone else fell in, and after Elaine has been reassured there were no leeches on her we were off to try the cargo net. This was somewhat unnecessarily followed by a wade through an increasingly deep and stagnant ditch. Rachel cunningly avoided a Jeremy Beadle moment on the rope swing, and Greg splashed everyone by forgetting to lift his legs. After Dave, Kate, Aidan and Midge had a brown water fight in 'The Swamp' it just left the dreaded 'crawl through the muddy tunnel' to make sure no one had any dry clothing left.

All in all, you find out who your friends are when you're desparately trying to avoid coming a cropper, and the assembled rabble are roaring you to a ignominious and sticky end. But as we all found out, there's a certain comradeship to be found in cold wet adversity, so congrats to the 9 intrepid souls who laughed their way through 'The Muddiest Assault Course In Wales'.

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